| Black and Pinay's profileBlack and PinayPhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
|
Bucket List (Do these before I die)Be your best friend.
Get caught with you in the rain. Dance with you in the rain. Stargaze on a clear night. Watch the sunset together. Spend all day with you doing nothing. Moonlit walks on the beach. Be more proud of you than I already am at this very moment. Go on a carriage ride through the park. Do a crossword together. Go to brunch. Have a disagreement (it could/will only make us stronger). Go for a twilight horseback ride. Watch a bad movie together. Spend the rest of my life with you. Have our picture taken together. Eat ice cream with you. Make love to you passionately. Go to a museum together. Talk to each other using only body language. Give you space when you need it. Accept you totally and completely - flaws and all (I already do). Discuss current events in a heated debate. Have you see the error of your ways from aforementioned heated debate and make mad, torrid love to you, in the midst of all that passion. Carve our names into a tree/table. Go for a walk at dusk together. Be one with you. Send you a singing telegram. Spend all night thinking of 101 sweet things to do for you. Hold you and gaze into your eyes and realize how much I love you...and tell you. Gently run my hand across your cheek and look into your eyes. Blindfold you and take you somewhere romantic. Spend my life making you happy. Spend my life making our family happy. Feel your heartbeat. See our unborn child in your eyes. Go roller skating together. Give you a backrub just because. ALWAYS being honest with each other. Go hiking/camping together. Have our first fight, make up and feel a stronger bond because we very successfully weathered the storm - together. Marry you. (already done) Laugh at someone together. Share a plate of spaghetti. (already done) Give you a stuffed animal just because. Go on a fun family vacation and bring back the kind of memories movies are made of. Treat you like my princess. Go on a road trip across America. Count thunder together during a thunderstorm. Envelop you in my soul. Cook your favorite meals. Know you better than you know yourself. Go to a Renaissance Fair. Plant a tree in our yard together. Look over at you during a party or something and have you know without me saying a word - that I love you. Be able to say "I love you" in 89 different ways - in 89 different countries. Hold you when you're at your saddest and comfort you when you need it the most. Be the one you come to for that comfort and holding. Wipe away the days' stresses and issues, with just one hug/kiss. I will Grow old with you.
Got anyone like this in your life? Clean or sterileWhen Pinay first came here she told me I was clean and neat for a man. At first I thought she was being funny but I found she is crazy about clean. She wants the world to be sterile not just clean. I try to explain you can go to far. To much of anything is not good for you. Nothing is clean enough or in order enough for her. Sometimes it can get next to me. She has rearranged everything in the house. Now I do not know where most things are any more. But what can I say? I let her do her thing if that makes her happy. Some times I can see she get upset with me when she wants me to help do things and I do not want to. She even trys to make me sterile. That really is funny. I feel sorry for her son since he can not tell her to stop.
She also wants me to believe she is sickly. I do not think she is but I do think she believes she is. Really likes for people to feel sorry for her. Sorry, I can not do much of that. I think she was spoiled to much as a child. She is looking over my shoulder now and trying to tell me what I am saying here.
Excuse me while I tell her this is my mind thinking and if she has something to say then comment.
Now, back to what I was thinking. Was she always like this? You can be so clean ans cterile that it is not good for you. I will not tell you all the ways and stuff she trys to clean and keep clean. Sometimes I think I should make a small mess just to show her it is OK. She is not doing this to impress me but she is just off a little about this. I will work on her to get her to relax a little about this. Childish behaviorFrom what I can tell a lot of childish behavoir happens in Pinay's family and friends. Things have happenned on the phone and in person that make me think some people have never grown up. There is also a lot of gossip that happens on that side. Everyone talks about being church going people but they do not act like it to me. For the most part Pinay has a great family but a few are not really all that cool. Glad I do not have to deal with those few in person. Where I come from bullshit stops when you are still a child. If someone talks about you what you do is simple. You beat them up. So you see you learn young not to talk about people or spread gossip unless you are ready to fight. Control of your temper is another thing I see most of them have not learned. I am really glad to be Black because we do know better. It is true we are very fast to fight. Being that way we learned very young not to start anything if you do not want it to be something.
Let me tell you a story about something that happenned to me when I was really young. We moved to a new place and I was maybe 9 years old. While my Mother and others were moving things in the house I was outside looking around. I met some of the guys that live around there. The first thing that happenned was I got into a fight. it was not what you may thing. It was so the guys could see what kind of person I was. I did not matter if I won or lost, it did matter if I would fight. More important was if I would tell what had happenned. I came in the house my nose bleeding and Mother asked what had happenned. I told her nothing much just meeting the guys and introducing myself. may not sound right to you but it works well for us.
This is a big part of being Black. Always be ready to defend yourself and what you believe is right. If someone wants to start gossip or talk about you, it must be time to fight. If you do not fight then you should stop talking about what people are saying and really stop talking to those that are talking about you. Seems everyone I have heard about on Pinay's side is really cool and I am happy to have them as part of my family and me part of thier family. But there are 2 or 3 that I prefer not to speak to because they are just childish, foolish and stupid people. If someone talked crazy to me I would be more than happy to fight. I do not forgive and forget. What I do is get even. I never take sides but says forget it. Now marriedNow we are married. Pinay had to ask me if it really was a real wedding. We were married by a marriage commissioner for Clark County. It was over in about 3 mins. http://www.accessclarkcounty.com/recorder/Marriage/Search_aspx.html is the URL I showed her to prove it was real. She tells me this is the first time she is doing what she wants without anyone else having anything else to say about it. This is a good thing for her and for me. She is learning to make her own way in life. Before she did what made other people happy, now she is making herself happy.
How do I feel about it all now? I am glad we have done this. I believe it is possible that we can be together from now until 1 of us dies. Hard to describe LOVE to you in here because it is something you feel and there are no words for it. Now all I have to do is be understanding since I am a lot older than she is.
Here in California where we live my life has changed a great deal. Half of everything I have and ever will have is now her stuff. So it is now cheaper to keep her if you know what I mean. LOL, just a guy thing. I explained all this to her hoping she would understand how serious this is to me. When a guy gets married here if the woman leaves it could make a guy's life very hard. You could put it this way. If she leaves she gets the house he gets the payments, she gets the car he gets the payments, she get everything and he gets the payments. So you see, I am not going any where.
As we talked since being married she told me she was nervous about what to do as a good wife. All I could say is it is simple. The Bible says how all this works. The woman is subject to the man and the man is subject to God. What this means is I have the last word. That does not mean she is like a slave and has to do all I say. What this means is we should talk about everything and figure out what we want. But if we can not agree what we should do I should decide after we talk it out. But for the most part I think I should be able to give her what she wants how she wants and she would do the same for me.
Black New Year is hereThe New Year is here now.This time next week we should be married. Pinay is excited now. She wants to buy writing pens with our names on them and give them to everyone. she want to get about 100 of these pens. Who would I give these pens to? She would give them to everyone she knows. If that makes her happy then we will do it.
This should be a simple wedding also. We will just go to Las Vegas and get married. Then we have to do some paper work with immigration to change her status here. This must be a really big thing for her to do. I say this because she will be staying here with me. Almost everything and everyone she knows is back there. That is a lot to give up to be with someone you love.
Is this luck or fate that puts us together. She did not have in mind to do this and I did not have this in mind when we met. I will not try to explain how or why we got together. I am just glad we did. I seem to talk about what I feel more than pinay does. Maybe she will come try to say what she is thinking about all this. I will put up some videos later so you can hear me talk instead of read what I am saying.
Black Almost a New YearWe are just days away from a brand new year. Wonder what will be in store for this next year. Pinay has been talking to her family and maybe friends about us getting married soon. Of course , she has been with my family and knows how my family feels about us. During the second week of the new year we will be married. It feels like I am married now. Pinay needs a piece of paper from the government to say we are married. I know, you want to know more about what I am feeling now, right?
I am comfortable with this in every way. Why am I so comfortable? I believe that she means what she says to me. I have told her all the ways she can treat me badly. Like, if I married her and she leaves me, I have to pay her no less than $16,000 a year for 10 years. She could also change her status here and get with someone else she cares about. Now, this is serious stuff for a guy to yhink about. I choose to believe and trust that she wants me more than Status or the money. I can not says why but I do.
Do I care and love her? Yep, that is what it is. Love does make you do foolish things. Get married is the most foolish thing a man can do and I have told you 2 of the most important reasons why it is foolish. But if she is using me then use me until she uses me up. This is not a sex thing, or I am lonely and do not want to be alone, or anything like that. What this is can be explained in no other way than LOVE.
We have talked about all this a lot and it always comes down to we want to be with each other. She makes me feel good and she does take care of me. I believe it can only get better.
Black MisunderstandingsI think the source of most of the misunderstandings that happen are because of how we understand the English language. Because of how we learned and the people we speak to every day we do not get the same meaning out of words. This makes us have to stop and think about what the other person really was trying to say. Maybe we have to ask if they meant this or that. Some of the simple differences are as follows:
COOL - Does it mean something really good or does it mean not yet cold?
BAD - Does it mean something that is not good or does it mean something really good?
BITCH - Is it a pregnat dog or a good woman or a bad woman?
Open the light is what she says and means turn on the light.
Holla at ya - Does it mean scream at you or just talk to you later
These simple words mean all of the above. Now something everyone must realize is that Americans do not speak English. We speak Slang. My Pinay she speaks English and is not use to slang. Sounds funny but this is where most of our misunderstanding come from, the meaning of the words we use and what we really mean. Takes a lot of talking and asking what do you mean to get what we are REALLY saying to each other. I will not say what is on the ID tag I gave her, she will have to tell you that. But if you are not one of us you will not understand.
I will try to come back and explain more about what I am saying here. Or maybe I will write down some of the things that are said and explain what they mean. But always remember Americans DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH but SLANG.
Seems rightMy Pinay seems to be the right person for me. in almost eevery way we seem to be a match. Sometimes we have a problem because we misunderstand what we mean when we talk or something but still we should be able to work it out. I hope we can Always stay together.
What she does for me that I would miss if she was gone is a lot. I get up in the morning and she feeds me. I come home and she feeds me. Does not sound like much but who feeds you? We go places and do things together and really seem to enjoy each other. I want to give her more than she ask for. Kind of nice to have someone to take care of. This does not sound like me but it is true. Of course there are a lot of other things we do that will not be said here but We can ask each other for anything and get it.
I suppose you can say she was made just for me. careful what you ask for, right? I think I got what I asked for. Now the thing would be to keep it.
JealousyI find that my pinay is very jealous woman. I am not sure why she is so insecure. This is something hard for me to deal with. Trust is a very important thing in a relationship I think. Where there is no TRUST there can be no LOVE. I think along with that she wants things her way all the time. Whenever she gets mad she tries to start up with this jealousy thing. This is the 1 thing I have found I really do not like that she does. This could become a really problem in this relationship. If this continues like this I can not deal with it. She asked what could be the 1 thing that would break us up. This is it.
I will try to come back and explain later after I think about it. The words or the actions?I have been told I LOVE YOU by women before. But I have been thinking is it the words I LOVE YOU that mean something? I do not think so. With Pinay she has said these 3 words to me but I don't really remember them. What I do remember is the emotions that are left when she does things for me. It is the actions of this woman that speak loudest to me.
When she puts lotions on my hands and the touch that says she cares. When she does my feet to make them smooth and soft. The times she cooks and brings my food to me. When she kisses me and holds me I can feel something that cannot be put into words. You get what I am trying to say here.
Now the words. They are just words that can be repeated a thousand times and still they can not be felt like the actions of a person. She wants me to say the words all the time. That is hard for me to understand the meaning of. But when I Cook for her, hold hands as we walk around, wash clothes together, give her stuff when she did not ask. Now, that is how I say I care. She does not realize that I did say those words using body language. She also says those words with her body language. It is the things we do that we keep in memory that say I LOVE You.
So if I never heard her say the words again I can still feel those words. The touch, the looks, the times we spend saying nothing, we talk none the less. Yes, it is the actions that speak much louder than words. Just like here words are not enough to express what I feel.
Black Just tripping when Pinay is not homeI suppose you can tell we write our blogs when we are not together. I mean she is at work or I am at work. Kind of neat to see what we are thinking about. Maybe everyone should do this to get a better understanding with who they are with.
My Pinay is a real business like woman. But she also does not know a lot about how life really works. What I mean is she believes everyone is always going to do the right thing. But you know as well as I this is not true. She is learning.
I suppose we are both learning from each other how to be softer for me and harder for her. When we are together we seem to have it all. Just to talk, being together, working around the house and simple stuff. This seems to be the hardest stuff. It is not the big stuff that I care about but the small stuff that makes a difference to me.
Ever feel like you have found what some would call a soulmate? If there is such a thing? I think I found her. Do we disagree? Sure. But it is about things that are so small it is more like a joke than disagreements. We do not seem to be able to stay upset for more than a few moments. I never really felt like this before.
My Pinay trys really hard to make sure I am taken care of. I suppose I can say it this way. She looks out for me more than for herself. I try to do the same for her. In this way we are watching each others back. We both have put the othr before ourself. How can we go wrong if this is what we continue to do. It really feels good you know what I mean?
I have also found it does feel good to tell other women that I have someone I want to be with. Of course, they tell me all kinds of stuff that makes no differnce to me. The negative stuff is what I mean. But all I can say to them is: If she is using me then use me until she uses me up. LOL, this feels way to good to stop.
This kind of feels like when I was a teenager. Acting foolish, doing things as if we were kids, just feeling good doing nothing but doing it together. Amazing how we like most of the same things and believe in the same things. Is this what they call LOVE? If you are lucky it is. Does it sound like it is to you? Yep, it does to me.
Because she is Pinay and I am Black makes us see and feel different things from other people. Some think we should not be together because we are not the same race. But are we the same race? I think we are. We are both of the HUMAN RACE. LOL. I think we will be together for some time to come. I know I am not going to ever be the one to leave. This feels why to good to me.
She also reads what I write and wants to talk about it. But I do not talk about it because she can always come in here and blog about it. The point being this is for us both and for you to enjoy and understand. Everyone is invited to comment on how we are getting along. And maybe learn more about ourself and our feelings. If you are lucky you may learn something also
Black Being oldThe other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
Pinay starts to workingMy pinay started to work last week. Seems more like a month not just 5 days. She is doing this caregiver thing. She lives at the place where some older person stays. I can't imagine working anywhere 24 hours a day for like a week. For me that is more like a paid slave. Never mind that I will get back to what I was going to say. I miss her being here.
Texting and talking on the phone just does not make it for me. All it has done for me is to show I do like her being here with me. They say absence make the heart grow fonder. What it really does is let you know how you really feel about that person. I miss the cooking together. I miss the talking while watching TV and not really seeing the movie that is on. It was even nice to go to the store and figure out what we wanted.
A few thing I noticeWe both have things to learn from each other. I seem to be the one that does not care at all about what people thing or say about me. Pinay seems to care about what everyone says or things about her. I suppose opposites do attract. She is always worry about other people when there is nothing she can do about it. She seems to think everyone is a good person and will always do the right thing. You know people are not as good and kind or thoughtful as she thinks. She is forever getting disapointed in other people.
You need an example of what I mean? There is a person at her church that can not get enough of starting rumors about Pinay and I at church. This makes Pinay upset and she talks to me about it. All I can say is people do those things when they do not have a life. But she still continues to talk to them like they have done nothing. She does not even tell or ask this person to stop. Talk about the forgive thing. I would just stop talking to them all together.
She knew th person who had the job she is doing and she feel guilty about having the job. She tells me that she did not mean to take this person's job. I tried to explain that she has nothing to do with who the client wants to take care of them. She is such a sweet and caring person that anyone would want her to be around.
I will have to teach her how to not worry about what she can not change. I will also have to teach her not to be so concerned with what people thing and say about her or us.
Pinay also has a need to be told a lot that I am here for her. Actions speak louder than words to me but words seem to mean more to her. In her past she must have been cheated on and hurt pretty bad because that seems to be a big worry to her. I am trying to get her to understand that trust is the biggest part of love. No matter what a person can say what matters is what they do. I am not one to keep saying that I care or express my emotions with a lot of words. What I do is to try and show a person what I feel and think.
I can be a really selfish person and that I know is a fact. Ask anyone that knows me and I am sure they can tell you I am that way. On the other hand I believe if you care about someone you can never say NO to them. You have to trust that they will never take advanage of you for that. All she has to do is ask and I try to provide whatever she wants. If you think of that person before you think of yourself that is love. If you both put the other person before youself everything will work out fine. This is why you do not need words to says how much you care because you can feel and see it. This is that trust I was talking about. Pinay workingPinay has started to working as a Caregiver. It has been 3 days and she lives with the client. I am alone here in the house now again. It is not the same as before. I miss her being here with me. We have been together for only a short time but we have become close. Yes, we can text and talk on the phone but that is not the same as her beening here. I miss we worked about the same time and off about the same time. I would rather her be here every night after I get off.
I enjoyed all the little things she does when she is home. We share cooking, washing clothes, going places and more. I miss her talking to me and when me are sitting watching TV. I can not really explain how I miss her so much and it is just a short time we have been together.
Black |
|
|
